Since I was gone for so long, I’d kind of like to backtrack with these next few entries. Because the journey matters just as much as the destination.

June and July went by relatively fast, especially due to receptionist temp jobs I managed to score. Westaff did come through for me, to some extent. My first temp job was at North Star, a company that supplies Sonic and Barnes & Noble’s coffee shops with food products. I genuinely liked it there. We were always busy, so the days went by quickly. I had really gotten the hang of things. My ten-key skills improved tremendously, what with typing up food orders daily. My co-workers were, for the most part, really nice people. Although a few of the men there could be a little, let’s just say, forward. Something like that could have escalated, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that "my services were no longer needed" after a week and a half.

It shocked me a great deal when I was told this, since there was no indication that they were unhappy with my work. Though there was an incident that certainly rubbed me the wrong way. A few days into it, I was processing a will call for one of the Sonic managers, and he happened to say to me, "You know, it seems like there’s a different girl at the front desk every time I come in". Being that these managers come in at least once a week, it should’ve been a warning that this ‘lucky break’ of mine would be short-lived. I don't care to go into it, but I have reason to believe there was a racist slant to the whole thing and that my resume was picked from the stack because of the way my last name sounded (funny, what with my dad being adopted and all, it’s not even my real last name). Whites aren’t the only ones who can be racist. Too bad for them...I hope they don't have to go through too many more girls to find what they're looking for.

After that, I got a one-day job at Cornerstone Mortgage, the day before July 4th. Predictably, it was very slow, only a few employees came in that day, and since they didn’t know the password to get into the receptionist’s computer, they just had me answering the sparse calls that came in. So I was paid twelve dollars an hour to read magazines and eat Taco Bell. Can't beat that.

The last temp position was for LGI, a land development company that operated out of a gorgeous model home. The place was always stocked with snacks and drinks, all free. Things were either very slow or very busy, and there were some rather rude people I had to deal with. Freeloaders, who were more interested in grabbing free refreshments than buying lots, and The Realtor From Hell. If none of the sales reps were available to speak with TRFH, she would ask me to ‘steal them away’. She did this to me both over the phone and once in person. And when I had her right in front of me, being that the woman was on my last nerve, and all of my co-workers professed to hating her guts and dreading whenever she came around, I had no qualms about giving her a rather unprofessional glare before telling her, like you would a four-year-old, that she could wait her turn.

The job was actually supposed to last four more days (I was subbing for the receptionist on vacation), but just like with North Star, Westaff called to let me know that they were no longer in need of my services. No, I don’t believe I was canned because of the look I gave that realtor. Those four days, I would’ve been there all by myself, while everyone in the office went on a corporate business trip to South Carolina. They probably didn’t think I could handle it, and let the regular receptionist stay behind. It still chaps my ass though. I was expecting over a thousand bucks from that job, and I got only a fraction of it. That’s why you don’t count your chickens, I guess (Hmph, bitches).

Although these jobs never delivered what I thought they would, I at least was confident knowing that whatever went wrong, it wasn't my fault. Westaff called me religiously every week, either to let me know they were looking for something for me, or that they had found a position. I doubt they would've been doing that if either North Star or LGI had a valid concern or problem with me.

Oh yeah, and my mall job at Express? I quit right after I scored North Star. I absolutely loathed working there. Since I didn’t like to push merchandise on people, I was given the absolute minimum hours every week, which amounted to between four and ten. And with that paltry salary, it just wasn't enough. The only positive things about the experience was getting my 50% discount (bought some clothes to wear to my real jobs), and meeting Bobby. He was very gay and very funny. My shifts were far more bearable when he was around.

The point is that even though most of these jobs weren't great, at least I got some experience under my belt and some decent money in the bank. I owe it all to Kevin, who pushed me out of my eternal-summer comfort zone, then out of my teen-job comfort zone, and on to bigger things. He always knew I wasn't cut out for mall jobs, that I could do better than that.

Let's just say, much has changed since last we spoke.

Just as I knew it wouldn't, quitting blogging did not stop family problems from running my life. With no journal to pour my heart into, I poured it into Kevin instead. Instead of bitching and moaning, I actually began to think. Through introspect, I examined where the relationship between my parents and I had gone wrong. And also, the paths we've taken that have led us here. How we got this way. It was a real awakening of sorts, and like they never had before, infinite memories came flooding back at me. I was mostly disturbed. It was like waking up one morning, weighing four hundred pounds and barely knowing you got there, how things got so bad.

My mother has controlled me relentlessly for nineteen years. I cannot tell you how scary it was to accept this. And now I have to wonder how much of myself is actually me, who I am at heart, and how much is somebody projecting themselves onto me. I know many things I have done over the years were due to the wishes of my mother, and not me. I have been bribed and goaded into things I never wanted to do, but the persistence just about made me come out of my skin. I was so worn down this way, and it always intensified at the most vulnerable points of my life: during my stressful high school years, and just this past year, when I fell in love.

But this time was different. I was older and was beginning to grasp the concept of having a mind of my own. And especially after reaching this 'awakening', I made up my mind that I was not going to lose the man I loved over my parents' petty, unrealistic demands.

In the end, they did try to aid me in college enrollment, as well as driving lessons. But in many respects, it was just another bribe. Too little, too late. It all came to a head on my birthday during Kevin's visit, with my parents firing the first shots. Needless to say, there was not much celebrating that day. Another holiday ruined, but this one far more personal.

Two days later, when Kevin went back home, I went with him.

Like I said...much has changed.